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| My family: L-R Eoin, Me, Eadain, Donnchadh, Mom, Gormlaith, Dad, Fionnuala, Cathal |
My
family lived in Dublin until I was six years old. One time when I was
about five I was brought to a party of a school friend, but for some
reason I decided that I didn’t like the party and that I wanted to
go home. I figured that the best way to do this was secretly. So I
told my friend that I would hide out in the garden and that he should
come and try to find me after a few minutes. I then made my escape
and headed home. The only problem was that I had no idea how to get
home. So I headed off and asked a post-man how to get to York
Road, in Dun Laoghaire, where we lived. He looked at me
suspiciously but told me where to go. When I finally arrived home I
found a big police motorbike in the front drive. Everyone was
out looking for me. My poor parents were not the better for this
experience. Family life is not easy.
This
is a feast day which I think can often make us feel disappointed with
our own families, although we don’t admit it, because it seems to
tell us that our families are not what they should be. Things go
wrong and we drive each other crazy. Someone gets into trouble and
lets the family down. Marriages don’t always work out. We are
afraid what others will think of us.
Then
we are presented with the ‘holy family’, who we imagine were
living in bliss all the time. That is not reality. They were poor.
When Jesus was born they were homeless. Then with a new baby they had
to flee to Egypt to escape an attempt on the child’s life and
became refugees. When Jesus was brought to the temple, Simeon told
them he was destined to be a sign that would be rejected. He would
not be a ‘success’. Later they lost him for three days. Can you
imagine the stress of losing one of your children for three days?
So why are they presented
to us as a model? Perhaps because they had their priorities right.
God was at the center of this family. It was the right environment
for the person of Jesus to grow and mature. Jesus had to grow up as a
person just as all of us do, learn to be responsible, learn the
Jewish traditions and that takes a long time. It involves a lot of
learning for each of us, and a lot of patience and sacrifice on the
part of our parents, but how we are formed is vital. There is an
African proverb which says, ‘It takes a village to raise a child.’
We all have a part to play, even if that is just encouraging those
who are struggling. If there are young families around you who are
struggling financially, especially one parent families, look out for
them. There is a couple I know who were telling me recently that at
one stage, because one of their children was sick, they lost their
home in order to pay hospital bills. The husband told me that for
several months they lived on next to nothing. We never know how
people are struggling and we must look out for each other.
We know almost nothing
about the first thirty years of Jesus’ life, but no doubt it was
very important for his growing and maturing as a person, and to help
him be ready for the mission that He lived out for the last three
years of his life, teaching people about God and sacrificing himself
for us.
The main role of our
families is to provide a safe, loving environment for us to grow up
in, so that we will blossom as people and learn how to deal with the
world. None of us come from perfect families, but that doesn’t
matter. It is easy to become discouraged, thinking about how things
might have been, or should be, but the bottom line is that we are the
way we are. We come from the kind of imperfect families that we come
from. The path through our lives often takes unexpected turns and
things can work out a lot worse than we had intended. Does it matter?
Not in the eyes of the Lord. The Lord is not the one to say ‘You
should be different’. That is what people will say, but that is not
what the Lord says. He is the one who always encourages, reassures
and gives us new strength to keep going.
Think of all the people
that Jesus came across in the Gospels. He took them exactly as they
were, including many people who were causing public scandal. It
didn’t matter what faith or cultural background they came from. He
always showed great sensitivity to their dignity. Satan discourages,
but God always encourages. What is important is not how we should be,
but that we remain open to God. If we are listening and open, then
the Lord can lead us forward. All God needs is our openness. The Lord
knows well that we often mess up, but that doesn’t matter.
Everything that we go through plays a part in forming us as people.
The only thing that is important is that we are willing to get up
again, to begin again and turn to the Lord for help as often as is
necessary.
Let us give thanks to God
for the families that we grew up in, no matter how they are.
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