You have often heard me say this prayer after Communion, which begins: ‘In the comfort of your love, I pour out to you my Savior, the memories that haunt me, the fears that stifle me…’
People always ask me for that prayer, which, incidentally, is on the main page of our website. I think it resonates with many of us, especially that phrase, ‘The memories that haunt me.’ Memories of the past often haunt us and I’m sure there are probably few people here over twenty who don’t have some regrets, often deep regrets.
One thing that goes with those fears is the question of whether God will really forgive me for them. Even when people have confessed them, the memories remain and people often wonder if that means they haven’t been forgiven, but not so. When we sin, it’s as if we wound our soul and even when the wounds are healed, scars remain and we experience those scars as memories. When you see a scar, you remember what happened, even though the wound is healed. It is the same when we have confessed sins, especially serious sins. God has forgiven them, but we are not always convinced of this, since the memory of them keeps coming back. I always say to people that when the memories of past sins come back, sins that you have confessed, don’t focus on the sin, rather, focus on God’s mercy and thank God for his mercy, because if you have confessed the sin then it has been forgiven.
It is easy to feel that the sins of our past disqualify us from ever being fully pleasing to God. How could I be pleasing to God with what I have done? How could God work through me, because of what I have done? Perhaps this is also true because we seldom experience that kind of mercy from other people. We often experience, ‘I forgive you, but I still remember...’
Maybe if I become good enough, I may be acceptable to God. This often carries over from our childhood, where we may have picked up the understanding that mom or dad love me when I am a good boy. That often affects how we see God as well, but it is not what God teaches. It says in Romans, ‘What demonstrates God’s love for us is in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us’ (Rom 5:8).
God sought us out first. Christ died for us while we were still sinners. Our sins are not an obstacle, so long as we sincerely repent of them and try to change. To the woman caught in adultery, Jesus ends up saying, ‘Woman, has no one condemned you?’ The woman replies, ‘No one, sir.’ Jesus replies, ‘Go and do not sin anymore’ (Jn 8:10-11). This kind of mercy is hard for us to understand, but Jesus keeps showing it to us in different ways to assure us of his infinite mercy, if we sincerely repent. ‘I did not come to condemn the world, but to save the world’ (Jn 12:47).
There is a story of a young priest in a hospital visiting a parishioner he was asked to see. It was not a hospital he normally visited. As he is walking down the hallway a nun stops him and says, “Father, can you go into this room? There is a man on his deathbed. He has been here for days. We have asked priests to go in, but he chases everyone away. He doesn’t want to talk about Jesus, but he’s dying. Could you please visit him?” The priest goes in and introduces himself to the patient. The guy erupts and starts cursing at him. He is so angry: “I don’t want anything to do with you. Get out of here!” The priest says, “Okay” and goes out into the hall. The nun is still there. She says, “Could you go back in?” The priest replies, “He doesn’t want anything I have to offer.” “Just give it another chance,” pleads the nun. The priest reluctantly reenters the room. “I’m not going to ask if you want to go to confession. I’m not going to ask if you want Holy Communion. But is it okay if I just sit here next to your bed and pray the Chaplet of Divine Mercy?” The old man replies, “I don’t care. Do whatever you want.” The priest sits down and begins softly praying the words of the Chaplet: “For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world. For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world....”
Suddenly the man bursts out, “Stop it!” Startled, the priest looks up and asks, “Why?” “Because there is no mercy for me!” “Why do you think there is no mercy for you?” asks the priest. “It doesn’t matter,” responds the old man. But the priest persists: “Why do you think there is no mercy for you?” “I’ll tell you... Twenty-five years ago, I was working for the railroad. My job was to lower the crossing guard arm when a train would come, to prevent cars from going on the tracks. But one night I was drunk. I was struggling with alcohol addiction. Because I was drunk, I didn’t lower the crossing guard arm, and a couple and their three young children were on the tracks as a train came, and they were all killed instantly. That was my fault, so there is no mercy for me. I have failed. It is over.” The priest just sits there staring at the rosary in his hands. Finally, he asks, “Where was this?” The man tells him the name of the town. The priest looks up at him and says, “Twenty-five years ago, my mom and my dad were taking my little brothers and sister on a trip. I couldn’t go with them. They were driving through this small town. For some reason, the railroad crossing guard arm wasn’t lowered. As they were crossing the tracks, a train came and killed them all. I lost my whole family that night. That was my family. The old man is stunned. The priest gazes intently into the man’s face and says, “My brother, God forgives you. Not only that, but I also forgive you.” The man realizes that God’s mercy is for him. The priest goes on to ask if the man would like to go to confession, which he does and he also receives the Eucharist. Two days later he died.
After giving the man Communion, the priest goes into the hallway in search of the nun. He can’t find her. He goes to the hospital administrator. The administrator tells him, “We don’t employ any nuns at this hospital.” For years the priest does not know who this nun is. Eventually, he goes to the town of Vilnius in Poland, which is where Saint Faustina lived. He goes to the convent to say Mass for the nuns there. He sees a painting on the wall of Saint Faustina, and he says, “I’ve met that nun. A couple of years ago.” “No, Father, you did not,” replies one of the nuns. “She’s been dead since 1938.” The priest then realizes it was Sister Faustina who had appeared to him and told him to go into the patient’s room.
Sister Faustina Kowalska (St. Faustina) was the nun to whom Jesus revealed the Divine Mercy Chaplet and encouraged people to pray to his mercy, assuring us that the smallest effort on our part wins the infinite mercy of God. If you don’t know the Divine Mercy prayers I would recommend them. We have the statue of the divine mercy here in the chapel, depicting Jesus as he appeared to St. Faustina. I really believe that this devotion is for our times, when people find it hard to believe that they can be forgiven.
The words of the chaplet are:
‘Eternal Father, I offer you, the Body and Blood, soul and divinity, of your dearly beloved Son, Our Lord Jesus Christ, in atonement for our sins and those of the whole world.
For the sake of his sorrowful passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.’
If you think about it, that is what the mass is, the offering of the body and blood, soul and divinity of Jesus to the Father. Jesus promises his infinite mercy to anyone who sincerely asks for it.
I have also been very moved by different people I have come across, who have helped people whom the rest of the world have written off. People who have committed serious crimes and been imprisoned for, or people who have caused public scandal. When their time is over, they seem to have no chance of a new beginning, but I have met people who will employ them and people who have gone out of their way to help people start over. That is another way that God reveals his mercy to us and it is going on all the time.
The sins of our past do not disqualify us from God’s love and mercy, nor of God continuing to use us in different ways.
‘Eternal Father, I offer you, the Body and Blood, soul and divinity, of your dearly beloved Son, Our Lord Jesus Christ, in atonement for our sins and those of the whole world.
For the sake of his sorrowful passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.’
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