One of the things that I did before I became a
priest was to work in a jewellery store for a while as a salesman.
During that time I learnt an interesting thing about the way that
precious stones like diamonds are polished. The stones come in
roughly cut and they are put into a container along with grit and
shaken at high speed. The grit and the stones rub off each
other and they polish each other. When the stones come out of
the container at the end, they are sparkling and beautiful. But
while they are in that container they are just being thrashed about
and having the corners knocked off of them. I always think that this is a good analogy for what
happens in married life, and indeed in any way of life well lived.
Those of you who are married know better than I do
that there is a lot of rubbing off each other, which can be
difficult. But all the time you are actually forming each other
into better people, or you could say that God is forming you through
each other. The corners are knocked off us, and the trials that
we go through are all the time helping us to become the best people
that we can be. That is God’s plan for us; that we reach our
full potential. At the time—just like in the container—we
only see the endless trials and struggles that seem to come up.
But as time passes other people begin to notice that (hopefully) we
are becoming more patient, tolerant and understanding. Of
course it doesn’t always work that way, but that is the idea.
It is true of any way of life, but I think it is particularly obvious
in married life.
One of the things that can also happen after a time
in married life and in religious life, is that all the sparkle seems
to dry up. Here I can talk more particularly about religious
life, since that what I am most familiar with. You begin to
wonder why it seems so dull. Did I make the wrong choice?
Should I change? Would it have been better if I had gotten
married? I think it’s no harm to remind ourselves that this
is a normal part of the growth stage in any vocation. My
partner is not as interesting or exciting as I thought they were
initially. Should I have married someone else? This is
also where the commitment is so important and that is why we take
marriage vows and religious vows, to give us strength to keep going
when things are not easy and to ask God to help us. Hopefully,
if we do manage to persevere we keep growing to a deeper level of
commitment and love. We are maturing and blossoming as people,
but as you know it is not an easy path. However, that doesn’t
mean that it’s not worthwhile.
Now I know that it is not always as simple as that,
and that a certain percentage of marriages don’t work out and the
couple end up separating. It is sad, but that is life.
The same happens with religious life; a certain number end up leaving
for whatever reason. In the Gospel today Jesus ends up
addressing this same age-old question and as always it is interesting
what the Son of God has to say to us. ‘Yes Moses did allow
you to divorce, but that was not the original plan.’ I think
that this should tell us two things. Firstly, that it is worth
making a lot of effort to help marriages and religious life work,
because that is God’s plan for us. But also to recognise that
things don’t always work out and so we should also do our best to
help those for whom things have not worked out. God always wants to
help us and offers us a lot of help in every way of life. That
is why marriage is also a sacrament, something that invokes God’s
help and blessing, because God knows well that we struggle. The
same is true with religious life. The fact that marriage
doesn’t always work out is no reason to abandon marriage, and the same
goes for religious life. Just because it
doesn’t work for everyone is no reason to abandon it. It is
all the time a question of us trying to get the balance right, which
is never easy and that is why we need to continually turn to God for
his help.
I think what is really important for us to remember
is that God does want our life to work out; that his plans for us are
good and that the Lord always continues to help us when things have
not worked out. We are never alone and we are never abandoned.
Our path to heaven does not depend on us getting it right, but rather
in continually trying.
‘God saw all that He had
made and indeed it was good.’
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