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| Immaculée Ilibagiz |
There is an amazing account of a woman called Immaculée Ilibagiza, born in 1972, from Rwanda. Up until her twenties, she lived a happy life with her family and neighbors. Her family were well educated. But in 1994, when she was 22, Rwanda descended into a horrific nine months of ethnic cleansing. The Hutu tribe, who were the majority, tried to rid the country of the Tutsi tribe. Up to this point they had lived in relative peace together. During this time almost a million Tutsi’s were brutally murdered, mostly with machetes, including all but one of her family. She and seven other women fled to the house of a local pastor. He was a Hutu, but did not agree with the killings. She and seven other women, hid in a bathroom, just 3 x 4 feet, for three months. Outside she could hear the killings going on, and the Hutus searching for her and as a result they could only speak in whispers. They searched the house several times, but never found her, as the pastor had moved a wardrobe in front of the door of the bathroom where they were hiding. When she went into hiding she weighed 120 pounds. When she finally escaped she weighed just 65 pounds.
During her time in hiding, God led her to a deep experience of prayer through the rosary. She found herself praying the rosary all day long. She said that initially she found it very hard to say the words, ‘Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who trespass against us’, and she often skipped the words. But God helped her to go from a place of hatred to being able to forgive, though it took some time. While she was praying and struggling with trying to forgive, God also granted her a vision of Jesus being crucified, saying, ‘Father forgive them, for they know not what they do.’
When the genocide finally ended and she was able to live freely again, she was able to visit the prison where the man who had killed her family was. He had been a family friend, Felicien, who was held in high regard. When he was brought before her, he was forced to his knees, but he was too ashamed to look at her. The guard gave her permission to spit on him, or beat him, but all she said was, ‘I forgive you.’ The guard, began to shout at her and say, how can you say that to the man who killed your mother?’ But she replied, ‘That is all I have left.’
Some time after, she began to write a book called, Left to Tell, which is an amazing read and I would highly recommend it. Not surprisingly it’s a NY Times bestseller.
A couple of years ago she spoke in St. John the XXIII church, here in Fort Myers. She has spent the last twenty years working for the UN and traveling all around the world, talking about the need to forgive. When she finished the talk, she ended by saying, ‘If I can forgive my families killers, anyone can forgive.’
One of the hardest things that any of us are faced with is trying to forgive people who have hurt us. Often the people who hurt us the most are the people closest to us. When people say to me that they are angry with someone, it nearly always indicates that they need to forgive that person. Let me try and clear up a few misconceptions about what forgiveness is and is not.
Forgiveness is a decision of the will, as opposed to something we feel like doing. Most of us rarely feel like forgiving someone and if we were to wait until we actually felt like it, we would probably not forgive at all. When I forgive someone I make a decision to forgive that person because the Lord is asking me to, not because I feel like it. The reason why it is so important to do that is because when we forgive someone we open up the door to God’s grace to help us begin to heal. If I refuse to forgive someone, I am blocking God from helping me to heal from the hurt. We are the ones who suffer, not the person we are angry with.
We may think that if I say I forgive someone I am saying that what they did doesn't matter. When we forgive we are not saying that, or that we no longer mind, or that the hurt is all gone. But when we refuse to forgive someone, we are the ones who suffer. The anger, hurt and resentment eats away at us inside. It is a terrible thing to meet people late in their life who have continually refused to forgive. You can see the bitterness in them and it is a sad sight to see. None of us want to end up like that. The good thing is that it is never too late to forgive.
It is easy to think that if I don’t forgive someone they will go on suffering because of what they did. The truth is that they may not even be aware of it any more. We are the ones who suffer. We are the ones who lose out. The first step in the process of healing from the hurt is to make the decision to forgive them and say the words. ‘Lord I forgive this person because you ask me to.’ It doesn’t mean that everything will suddenly be alright, or that we will suddenly love that person. In fact we may need to say those words again and again, but slowly we begin to heal. When we make the decision to forgive, we allow God to heal us, because we are the ones who are injured.
All of us make mistakes and do wrong. We are well aware of that. I’m quite sure that all of us expect and hope that God will forgive us, but Jesus was very clear that we also need to forgive others if we expect to be forgiven ourselves. Jesus gave some very strong stories about people who refused to forgive, finishing with the words: ‘And that is how my heavenly Father will treat you unless you each forgive your brother from the heart’ (Matthew 18:35). In another place Jesus says:
‘If you come to the altar to make your offering and there remember that your brother has something against you. Go and be reconciled with your brother first. Then come and make your offering’ (Matthew 5:23-24).
Even if it is the other person who has a problem with us, we are asked to at least be willing to reconcile, to reach out to them. If they don’t accept it, that is their problem, but we must not be the one to refuse to reconcile.
I remember the story of two brothers who lived in an apartment block next door to each other and they had a falling out over something. They refused to speak to each other and would have nothing to do with each other. Eventually one of them began to leave a small bag of candy outside the door of the other and then the other brother did something similar. It was their way of saying I forgive you and I’m sorry, even though no words were spoken.
We also need to forgive ourselves for the sins we have committed. So many people carry the guilt and shame of sins from years ago. If we have asked for forgiveness then God has forgiven us, because He has promised us that. By dying on Calvary Jesus won that forgiveness for us. All we have to do is ask for it and it is ours, no matter how terrible the sin was. God assures us of his forgiveness for anyone who asks. We will always carry the memory, because that is the damage done by the sin, but we have the freedom to know that we are forgiven. That is what God wants for us, the freedom of knowing that He will always forgive us, as long as we ask for forgiveness and are willing to forgive.
Forgive us our trespasses
As we forgive those who trespass against us…
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