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| St. Patrick's College, Maynooth, where I was ordained a deacon. |
Today I would like to share a personal experience with you which is connected to this Gospel. Thirteen years ago (2012) I had reached a crisis point in my priesthood. I had been finding it more and more difficult to work as a priest in Ireland, as it had become very anti-Catholic. Some priests weathered this better than others, but it was having a very negative effect on me. I wasn’t sure I could continue, even though I wanted to. Quite a number of priests I know left.
I asked my bishop to be allowed to spend some time with the Dominican Fathers and he agreed. Their charism is more about preaching and teaching, which I have always felt called to. But after eighteen months with them, I still did not feel at home. I was praying a lot asking the Lord to guide me. I wasn’t sure if I had reached the end of the line, although I was convinced I had been called to be a priest and certainly wanted to continue. I seemed to be out of options.
It was around that time that I had an opportunity to visit a friend of mine in Naples, Florida, by the name of Kelly Curry. He is a Baptist and had been a Baptist minister when I got to know him. I came to know him when I was working in Ireland, where he had a ministry, helping people to come back to their faith. He has always been a tremendous support to me as a Catholic priest, which is not always what you would expect from Baptists from my experience. While I was visiting him in Naples we prayed together. He was also convinced that I was called to continue working as a priest.
The Gospel that day was today’s Gospel: ‘Put out into the deep for a catch.’ When the minister began to preach, he really seemed to be speaking to my heart and Kelly said the same thing afterwards. The gist of what he said was this: “The disciples were professional fishermen. They knew their trade. Then this charismatic preacher, having finished speaking to the people, asks them to ‘put out into the deep’ and cast their nets again. As professionals they knew there were no fish that day. They had fished all night and the daytime was not the best time to fish. But so as not to offend the preacher, Peter reluctantly cast the nets. You can hear the hesitation in Peter’s words, ‘We worked hard all night…but if you say so…’ Then the miracle takes place. They cast the nets and suddenly all the lines go tight and they literally catch a miraculous amount of fish. When Peter realizes what has happened, he is afraid, because he realizes he is in the presence of someone extraordinary, holy, or other-worldly. He reacts by saying, ‘Leave me Lord, I am a sinful man.’ Let me hide. He is suddenly aware of his sinfulness in the presence of this man’s holiness and he is afraid. But Jesus’ words are words of reassurance. ‘Do not be afraid.’
The first reading is similar. The prophet Isaiah is given a vision of heaven and what is his reaction? He is also afraid, because he realizes he is a sinner in the presence of God’s holiness, but the Lord reassures him by sending an angel to touch his lips with a hot coal, a symbol of being purified and then God calls him to follow him.
Back to the Baptist service. The minister went on to say, “What the Lord was showing Peter and the others, was that He is in charge. He is master of the land and sky, the earth and the sea. He controls everything. They felt their work had been fruitless, a waste of time, but then Jesus shows them that God can produce fruit out of apparent failure. When everything seems to have come to an end, He can open new doors, totally unexpected doors. The miraculous catch was probably more than they had ever caught in their lives. What was Jesus saying to them except that He is the one who can make any work or situation bear fruit, even when it appears to be a failure to us. It doesn’t depend on our ability, rather on us being open to God.
I felt the Lord was saying to me, “Murchadh, you think your work has been fruitless, that you have come to the end of the line. Now you must trust me because I will make things happen that you could not have foreseen.”
Kelly and I were both amazed at what the preacher had said, as it seemed to be specifically speaking to me. I was greatly encouraged by these words. Shortly after that I began to wonder if I could work in Florida, as the Church here seemed to be so much more positive. As it happened Kelly knew one of the priests in the diocese. So I made an appointment to see him and I explained my situation to him. He suggested I apply to the bishop and so I did. Long story short, both bishops agreed to let me come here and try working here and here I am almost twelve years later.
When I thought everything was coming to an end, the Lord opened new doors that I did not even know were there. This also reminded me of the fact that the work I do is the Lord’s work, not mine. If it bears fruit—like the miraculous catch—then it is because of him, not because of me and He continually shows me this. My job is to try and be faithful and continue to listen to him. Why does God keep things hidden from us until the last minute? because it strengthens our faith. We realize it doesn’t just depend on our ability, or our skills, or our holiness. It depends on God’s power at work. What God requires of us is to be open to him. God does everything else.
Now apply this to your own experience. How many times have you come to what seems to be the end of the line? Things haven’t worked out and there seems to be no way forward? This is where the Lord asks us to pray and trust, which is difficult. He can do anything and open doors where we didn’t even think there were doors. With God there are always new possibilities and when we feel afraid of God because of our inadequacies, remember Peter’s reaction to Jesus: ‘Leave me Lord, I am a sinful man.’ We want to run and hide, remember Jesus’ response to him: ‘Do not be afraid.’ God is not put off by our sinfulness.
Think also of your sinfulness before God’s holiness. Does it make you afraid? It does for many people, including me. But that is where we go back to what God shows us in the Scriptures. Every time someone becomes aware of their sinfulness before God, God’s response is always the same: ‘Do not be afraid.’
One reason why the Apostles were such effective instruments in God’s hands, is because He left them under no illusions about their own sinfulness. They were humbled by their own weaknesses, but this made them ideal instruments for God to use. God works best through us when we are aware of our own littleness. Then we realize that everything depends on him, not on us, which is how it should be. The more we get ‘out of the way,’ the more God can use us, but that is often a painful journey.
God doesn’t need us to be great, but to be open.
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