My family lived in Dublin until I was six years old. One time when I was about five I was brought to a party of a school friend, but for some reason I decided that I didn’t like the party and that I wanted to go home. I figured that the best way to do this was secretly. So I told my friend that I would hide out in the yard and that he should come and try to find me after a few minutes. When I got outside I climbed over the wall, made my escape and headed home. The only problem was that I had no idea how to get home. So I headed off and asked a mail-man how to get to York Road, in Dun Laoghaire, where we lived. He looked at me suspiciously, but told me where to go. When I finally arrived home I found a big police motorbike in the front drive. The police officer looked out the door and said, ‘It’s ok. We have found him.’ Maybe that’s where my love of motorcycles began! Everyone was out looking for me. My poor parents were not the better for this experience. Family life is not easy.
This is a feast day which I think can often make us feel disappointed with our own families, although we don’t admit it, because it seems to tell us that our families are not what they should be. Things go wrong and we drive each other crazy. Someone gets into trouble and lets the family down. Marriages don’t always work out. We are afraid what others will think of us.
Then we are presented with the holy family, who we imagine were living in bliss all the time. That is not reality. They were poor. When Jesus was born they were homeless. Then with a new baby they had to flee to Egypt to escape an attempt on the child’s life and became refugees. When Jesus was brought to the temple, Simeon told them he was destined to be a sign that would be rejected. He would not be a success. Who wants to hear that their child will be rejected by people? Later they lost him for three days. Can you imagine the stress of losing one of your children for three days?
So why are they presented to us as a model? because they had their priorities right. God was at the center of this family. It was the right environment for the person of Jesus to grow and mature. Jesus had to grow up as a person just as all of us do. He had to learn to be responsible, to read and write and learn the Jewish traditions and that takes a long time. It involves a lot of learning for each of us, and a lot of patience and sacrifice on the part of our parents, but how we are formed is vital. There is an African proverb which says, ‘It takes a village to raise a child.’ We all have a part to play, even if that is just encouraging those who are struggling. If there are young families around you who are struggling financially, especially one parent families, look out for them. There is a couple I know who were telling me recently that at one stage, because one of their children was sick, they lost their home in order to pay hospital bills. The husband told me that for several months they lived on next to nothing. We never know how people are struggling and we must look out for each other.
We know almost nothing about the first thirty years of Jesus’ life, but no doubt it was very important for his growing and maturing as a person, and to help him be ready for the mission that He lived out for the last three years of his life, teaching people about God and sacrificing himself for us.
The main role of our families is to provide a safe, loving environment for us to grow up in, so that we will blossom as people and learn how to deal with the world. None of us come from a perfect family, but that doesn’t matter. It is easy to become discouraged, thinking about how things might have been, or should be, but the bottom line is that we are the way we are. We come from the kind of imperfect families that we come from. The path through our lives often takes unexpected turns and things can work out a lot worse than we had intended. Does it matter? Not in the eyes of the Lord. The Lord is not the one to say, ‘You should be different’. That is what people will say, but that is not what the Lord says. He is always the one who encourages us, reassures us and gives us new strength to keep going.
Think of all the people that Jesus came across in the Gospels. He took them exactly as they were, including many people who were causing public scandal. It didn’t matter what faith or cultural background they came from. He always showed great sensitivity to their dignity. Satan discourages, but God always encourages. Jesus called Satan ‘the Accuser.’ He continually accuses us and tries to shame us and make us give up. But Jesus does the opposite. He is always the one to encourage us and reassure us of his presence. What is important is not how we should be, but that we remain open to God. If we are listening and open, then the Lord can lead us forward. All God needs is our openness. Everything that we go through plays a part in forming us as people. The only thing that is important is that we are willing to get up again, to begin again and turn to the Lord for help, as often as is necessary.
If God is not at the center of your family, maybe it’s time to bring him into your family. Is there a crucifix in your home? If not, why not? Are you ashamed or embarrassed to say who you belong to, who is Lord of your life? Apart from God our life is meaningless. Do you ever read the word of God with your family? If you think this seems a bit embarrassing, or over religious, think about how much time you spend watching TV, filling your mind with worldly and often sinful things. Why not read a chapter from one of the Gospels at the end of your main meal together? Pray grace together.
There is a wedding tradition which I came across many years ago, from Croatia, if I’m not mistaken. When a couple get married, they have a crucifix blessed at the wedding ceremony and then they bring it to their home. They place it in a prominent place to remind them that God is with them in their marriage. When they are struggling they are to come before the crucifix to ask God for his help. This is the balance that God invites us to have. God must be at the center. Only in God will we find the strength we need to keep going and the very meaning for our existence. Without God our life is meaningless.
God understands that family life is not easy, but that is also why He invites us to keep turning to him and asking for his help. That is why the sacrament of marriage is so important, because it is inviting God to be part of that marriage, not just to bless the couple on their wedding day, but throughout the couple’s whole life. God wants to help us, but we must allow him to help us too.
Our families may be far from perfect, but God can still work through them to help us come closer to him.
I want to finish with this story about a couple I came to know here in Florida. Maria and John (not their real names) got to know each other in high-school and got into a lustful relationship. She became pregnant and graduated six months pregnant. They decided to get married for the sake of the child, but he said they had no love for each other and the first ten years of their marriage was miserable. They endured each other and spent as much time apart as they could. But after 10 years they both started to take an interest in their faith. They decided they would try to live their marriage exactly as it says in the Scriptures, following what God has laid out for marriage, the role of the father and the role of the mother. He said within a short times things started to change and they actually fell in love for the first time. That was over twenty years ago and he said they have had a wonderful marriage ever since.
Surprise, surprise, God knows exactly what will work and He tells us what will work. There is an order to God’s creation and if we listen to what He tells us, it works and will help us more than anything else. God wants things to work out for us, but we must listen.
Remember what Jesus said,
“Whoever hears these words of mine and puts them into practice, is like a wise man who built his house on rock. The rain came down, the streams rose and the wind blew, and beat against that house, yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock.
But everyone who hears these words and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose and the wind blue and beat against that house and it fell with a great crash.” (Matt 7:24-27).
When they had fulfilled all the prescriptions of the law of the Lord, they returned to their own town of Nazareth. The child grew and became strong, filled with wisdom and the favor of God was upon him. (Luke 2:39-40)
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